Pastoral Statistics

According to estimates by the Alban Institute in Washington, D.C., at least 17 percent of clergy suffer from stress or burnout.

"The Charlotte Observer" reported. About 1,400 ministers a year call a toll-free hot line of the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC), which counsels ministers through its LeaderCare program.

LeaderCare estimates that nearly 100 SBC pastors leave their ministry every month.

Sunscape Ministries of Colorado, which serves clergy in crises, reported that in all denominations nationwide, 1,600 ministers per month are terminated or forced to resign their pulpit.

Statistics provided by The Fuller Institute, George Barna, and Pastoral Care Inc.

50% of Pastors have considered leaving the ministry in the last months.

80% of seminary and Bible school graduates who enter the ministry will leave the ministry within the first five years.

85% of pastors said their greatest problem is they are sick and tired of dealing with problem people, such as disgruntled elders, deacons, worship leaders, worship teams, board members, and associate pastors.

90% said the hardest thing about ministry is dealing with uncooperative people.

1 out of every 10 ministers will actually retire as a minister in some form.

The Law of Differences™

Life or Death for Relationships

Laws are those things written or unwritten, understood or misunderstood, that control, dictate, protect, or discipline us.  Laws are those things which are constant.   A true law is unchanging, immutable, constant, and measurable.  One dictionary defines this type of law as, “a principle based on the predictable consequences of an act, condition, etc.: the law of supply and demand.”  Today in a world where truth is relevant and things are not certain at all, it is to these laws we must turn for truth.  Human laws can be disputed and broken, and if broken there are consequences.  Human Laws can also be changed.  The laws we are talking about come from God, and they govern such things as gravity, chemical reactions and even life itself.  God’s laws cannot be disputed or changed.  All are subject to them, and just like human laws, they also come with very real consequences.

God’s laws can be divided into those which we observe governing the physical, and those governing the spiritual.  These ‘laws’ are really just our way of stating those qualities that God has instilled into the universe in terms which are understandable and useable in our lives.  God’s laws govern reality as we define it. All are subject to them except He who created everything.

There are scientific laws such as the laws of thermodynamics, momentum, and gravity which we use to design and energize the technology that keeps us informed, comfortable, moving, and fed.   They are all around us and even hold the fabric of the universe together.   There are laws of mathematics we all learn to apply in school that govern the way numbers work and are combined to have meaning.  There are laws which govern motion.  All things physically observable are governed by these scientific and mathematical laws.

But, just as there are there are laws which govern the physical universe in which we live, there are also laws which govern things that are spiritual and ethereal.  Sometimes it is more difficult to discern these laws, but time, experience, and application of God’s Word help us to discern these as well.   Many are familiar and would agree with the law known as the Law of sowing and reaping which dictates that if you sow a certain type of seed such as love, you will reap love in return, or if you sow hate, you will reap hate in return.   There are the so-called Four Spiritual Laws which teach that Man is a sinner separated from God, continually trying to get to God on his own, yet that the only way to God is through belief in His son, Jesus.

In this article we reveal that we believe that God has shown us a different law, one that affects each and every relationship that we have.  We don’t claim to be the first to have observed this, but we haven’t heard of it before so we are taking the liberty of naming it.  It is the law we call the Law of Differences and we believe it to be irrefutable.  The Law of Differences can be seen to have been in effect and tested in the trenches of relationships since at least the first man and woman.

The unique differences and strengths of man

God created all people unique and different and with a certain set of strengths.  We know from observation that nobody has been given a complete set of all possible strengths.  For instance, if one is aggressive as a problem solver, tackling problems head on with quickness and directness, it stands to reason that the same person would not normally be the reflective type, carefully thinking through the issues and steps involved and then taking a measured response in its desired time.   Yet it is easy to see that both of these styles are desirable strengths, depending on the problem and the situation.  Some problems require aggressive action while others are best solved after a measured amount of reflection.

In another instance, a person might have the strength of being enthusiastic, trusting, and persuasive toward information and people.  Once again, it is unlikely to find the same person often exhibiting the strengths of being questioning, calculating, or validating toward new information and people.  Again it is straight forward to see that depending on the situation, both of these styles can be seen as desirable and as strengths.

These different strengths or styles are not only observable in everyday life, but are measurable as well.*

*Ministry Insights International has a profile that mesures these strengths known as the Leading from Your Strengths (LFYS) Assessment, can measure or take a snapshot of those strengths which an individual will most often display. The LYFS assessment measures different styles or combinations of strengths in four predictable areas.

Since it is observable and measurable that God created each individual with a unique yet incomplete set of strengths and then placed us in relationships, it is not too much of a stretch to state that He likely did so with a purpose, since God is not observed to be a God of accident or coincidence. We believe that scripture teaches that purpose, and that God had a divine design for difference in mind when he created mankind.  These differences were designed so that we would be interdependent on each other.   We believe that there is a biblical basis for this design.

The basis for our belief is found in 1 Corinthians 12:14-20

Now the body is not made up of one part but of many.  If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

From the verses in 1 Corinthians 12 we learn that there are clearly many parts in the body.  We can also see that each part is looking at the others comparing and judging the value of each other, even desiring to become the other in order to fit in, as the foot contemplates becoming a hand. However, the scripture reminds us that each part is not only needed, but that the body would not be complete without each and every part.  The same is true with mankind. God designed us with differences and placed us together to become one unit, interdependent on each other.  This is so in work relationships, ministerial relationships, marriage relationships, and family relationships.

The Law of Differences

The interaction between two individuals could be defined as their relationship.  In any interaction between two or more people there is an irrefutable law known as the Law of Differences at work that affects every relationship.  It has already been stated that we are each different from those we have been placed in life with.  When we are placed in close proximity to others we naturally begin to observe and evaluate them.  Are they are they same or different from us?  How do they measure up or don’t they measure up?  It is the Law of Differences that dictates the outcome of our response or what the predictable results will be.  There are only two paths that this observation and evaluation can take:  We can value the other individual’s differences (strengths) or we can judge them.  These two distinctly opposite pathways have different and opposite outcomes, and it is from these outcomes the Law of Differences is governs.

When we judge another person’s differences, we view them as weakness.  Judgment always leads away from the other person relationally, toward isolation in the relationship, and moving toward isolation leads to a dying relationship, or ‘death.  When we value another person’s differences we are seeing the strengths that God gave them.  Valuing differences leads toward unity and oneness in the relationship, which is a step toward life.  Therefore, valuing differences leads to a living thriving relationship, or ‘life’.

Law of Differences: Choosing to value another’s differences or judge them will dictate whether you live or die in every relationship.

Real Life Example (marriage)

What does the the Law of Difference look like in real life?  When we are first introduced to the woman or man who will become our future spouse, way before we are married, we are often attracted to someone with a quite different strength set and style from us.   It is natural (God-given) to see something attractive in their differences.  It’s no secret that we often want what we don’t have.  It is from this behavior that the old saying, ”opposites attract” is derived.  If some of our strengths are that of being a steady, predictable low-risk type of person, it is quite normal for us to be attracted to and ultimately married to one who is spontaneous, questioning authority, and testing the status quo.   However, after marriage our perspective generally changes, and the very things which we valued as strengths and pursed in our spouse prior to marriage become the things which we judge as weakness once we are wed. 

In my own life, I met a very different (and beautiful) young woman with opposite style and strengths, and I was quite proud to be seen everywhere with her and show her off.  She had strength in the area of trusting people and information which made it easy for her to talk and get along with many different people.  She could even talk to an analytical, factual, calculating person like me.  We would talk for long periods, sharing every intimate detail of our lives, and I wanted to be near her constantly.  However, after we were married, her disregard of facts and lack of analysis before talking became crystal clear to me.  She would say the most embarrassing things in front of just about anyone.  What must I do?  How could this problem be solved?  I’ve got it!  It was so simple.  She needed to be changed!  It was all too soon after we were married that I began to attempt to turn her into me.  I judged that she would be happier being more like me…and I knew that I would be happier.  The Law of differences was at work.  My judgment soon moved us toward isolation.  Her judgment in different areas was having a similar effect.  Our relationship slowly, yet surely began to die.

We became more and more isolated as the Law of Differences pushed us further and further apart.  This went on in our life for twenty-seven years and brought us to the point of total frustration and frequent talk of divorce.  At that time God intervened and we attended a marriage seminar focusing on understanding your spouse better.  We began to understand that those annoying differences were actually the other’s strength,s and we learned that there is great strength in difference.  For us, just learning that there were differences and that these differences brought strength to the relationship began to transform us.  We began growing closer together. This time the Law of Differences was at work in the opposite direction.  As we began to value each other’s differences as strengths the Law of Differences was bringing our relationship back to life. God was breathing new life into our relationship.

Conclusion

The Law of Differences is at work in churches, offices, and homes all over this country.  It can even be seen in the differences between cultures around the world.  There is great strength in differences when differences are valued, but the world teaches us to judge those who are different from us, which leads to an inescapable conclusion of death in any relationship.  The Law of Differences is at work in our relationships with our spouse, our children, on our ministry teams, and with our coworkers. 

The Law of Differences is even at work in our relationship with God.  Think about it.  We are different from God.  No argument yet right?

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.  " Isaiah 55:8 

It is these differences and what we do with them that dictate our relationship with our Creator.  We are temporal and God is spiritual. If we love those things that are temporal and value ourselves and doing things our way while ignoring the spirit and truth of God, we are isolated from Him and doomed to death.  However, just as we can move closer to our spouse, our children, and our co-laborers by understanding, valuing and blending their differences and thereby choosing life, we can have eternal life in relationship with our God by valuing the different ways of God. 

Whether you choose to value another’s differences or judge them will dictate whether you live or die in every relationship.  This is the immutable Law of Differences.

Ministry Insights International, Inc. is an organization dedicated to transforming relationships globally through teaching of God’s divine design for differences.  We utilize innovative behavioral profiles and assessments for discovery, combined with biblical insights and practical teaching on differences to bring understanding, and ultimately to transform ministry teams, marriage and family relationships.  We accomplish this through live seminars; leader facilitated video kits and online interactive processes.

© 2007-2008 Ministry Insights International, Inc. - All Rights Reserved (www.LeadingFromYourStrengths.com)

"Doughnuts, Not Just Any Dozen Will Do"

Not long ago Rodney and I were traveling together to publishers sharing our ideas on God’s Design for Differences and how it is only through understanding one another that we achieve unity in our relationships. 

This particular morning we were to visit a publisher Rodney had dealt with on a large project to discuss our upcoming projects.  Rodney announced that we would be stopping along the way to pick up some doughnuts for those at the publisher.  We easily located a doughnut shop through the miracles of modern GPS.

Once we arrived at the doughnut shop things began to get a bit edgy.  Rodney asked the pricing and decided to purchase two dozen doughnuts.  This was the easy part.  After the young woman behind the counter arranged the two large boxes on the countertop, Rodney seemed a bit uneasy pondering the choices with dozens of varieties of doughnuts available.  The girl stood quite patiently with the tongs in her hands.  Moments ticked by while Rodney studied the doughnuts.

After what seemed an appropriate time I chimed in, “We’ll take two dozen assorted,” but this was not going to be the case.  Rodney wanted to know if they were fresh.  ‘Of course they are,’ I thought.

“They sure are. I eat here every night,” said the young women who had now stood behind us in line.

I thought, ‘What’s so difficult? They all looked pretty good, and with two dozen doughnuts we were bound to have something everyone would enjoy.  Just choose them and let’s go.’  I judged that I could do this faster and that the result would be the same.

Rodney continued, “I’ll take two of the chocolate covered, (a pause) and two of the maple cream frosted (another pause).  What’s the difference between the chocolate stix and the chocolate éclairs?”  (The éclairs were in a different counter and not part of the assorted options – so he passed)  By now the line had grown to three people behind us and I really wanted to have it over with and get to the meeting.  Rodney continued, “I’ll take two glazed and two…”

“I only want a cup of coffee,” spouted an impatient woman with two dollars clutched tightly in her hand eager to get her morning coffee and on with her life.

I turned and with not too much sympathy said, “I guess you’ll have to wait your turn,” motioning to the other woman between her and us.  Rodney was now into the second dozen, so I said, “I’ll wait in the car,” feeling that I’d be much less likely to say something else rude if I wasn’t watching the rest of the event.

After getting in the car I decided to explore the situation a bit to try to understand it better.  I asked Rodney if he could share with me why it was so important to him to pick out each doughnut type individually instead of just ordering two dozen assorted.  I interjected that my high Lion “aggressive” style just wanted to order them, have her pick them out, and get out of there.

Rodney shared that a high need for approval (based in his high Otter  “optimistic” style) required that he pick out the perfect assortment for the people, after all he knew these people well, and his strong desire for connectivity (from his high Golden Retriever “predictable” style)  demanded he think about each person who would enjoy the doughnuts.

‘Wow,’ I thought   ‘Understanding sure makes a difference.’  When seen through the lens of understanding the whole event made sense to me, and I was much more at peace with Rodney’s process, and I actually appreciated him.  I understood that if he would be this exacting with the selection of doughnuts for people at the publisher, Rodney would do the same and more for friends and coworkers.  

God has a design for differences and created each of us uniquely.  When we value and embrace each other’s differences we are viewing them as strengths, which leads toward unity in our relationships and glorifies God our creator.