"Doughnuts, Not Just Any Dozen Will Do"

Not long ago Rodney and I were traveling together to publishers sharing our ideas on God’s Design for Differences and how it is only through understanding one another that we achieve unity in our relationships. 

This particular morning we were to visit a publisher Rodney had dealt with on a large project to discuss our upcoming projects.  Rodney announced that we would be stopping along the way to pick up some doughnuts for those at the publisher.  We easily located a doughnut shop through the miracles of modern GPS.

Once we arrived at the doughnut shop things began to get a bit edgy.  Rodney asked the pricing and decided to purchase two dozen doughnuts.  This was the easy part.  After the young woman behind the counter arranged the two large boxes on the countertop, Rodney seemed a bit uneasy pondering the choices with dozens of varieties of doughnuts available.  The girl stood quite patiently with the tongs in her hands.  Moments ticked by while Rodney studied the doughnuts.

After what seemed an appropriate time I chimed in, “We’ll take two dozen assorted,” but this was not going to be the case.  Rodney wanted to know if they were fresh.  ‘Of course they are,’ I thought.

“They sure are. I eat here every night,” said the young women who had now stood behind us in line.

I thought, ‘What’s so difficult? They all looked pretty good, and with two dozen doughnuts we were bound to have something everyone would enjoy.  Just choose them and let’s go.’  I judged that I could do this faster and that the result would be the same.

Rodney continued, “I’ll take two of the chocolate covered, (a pause) and two of the maple cream frosted (another pause).  What’s the difference between the chocolate stix and the chocolate éclairs?”  (The éclairs were in a different counter and not part of the assorted options – so he passed)  By now the line had grown to three people behind us and I really wanted to have it over with and get to the meeting.  Rodney continued, “I’ll take two glazed and two…”

“I only want a cup of coffee,” spouted an impatient woman with two dollars clutched tightly in her hand eager to get her morning coffee and on with her life.

I turned and with not too much sympathy said, “I guess you’ll have to wait your turn,” motioning to the other woman between her and us.  Rodney was now into the second dozen, so I said, “I’ll wait in the car,” feeling that I’d be much less likely to say something else rude if I wasn’t watching the rest of the event.

After getting in the car I decided to explore the situation a bit to try to understand it better.  I asked Rodney if he could share with me why it was so important to him to pick out each doughnut type individually instead of just ordering two dozen assorted.  I interjected that my high Lion “aggressive” style just wanted to order them, have her pick them out, and get out of there.

Rodney shared that a high need for approval (based in his high Otter  “optimistic” style) required that he pick out the perfect assortment for the people, after all he knew these people well, and his strong desire for connectivity (from his high Golden Retriever “predictable” style)  demanded he think about each person who would enjoy the doughnuts.

‘Wow,’ I thought   ‘Understanding sure makes a difference.’  When seen through the lens of understanding the whole event made sense to me, and I was much more at peace with Rodney’s process, and I actually appreciated him.  I understood that if he would be this exacting with the selection of doughnuts for people at the publisher, Rodney would do the same and more for friends and coworkers.  

God has a design for differences and created each of us uniquely.  When we value and embrace each other’s differences we are viewing them as strengths, which leads toward unity in our relationships and glorifies God our creator.